Margaret Thatcher Dead – Munchkins Celebrate by Munchkin Boq

Ding Dong!

Is anyone at home? Not anymore for Margaret Thatcher who died yesterday from a stroke aged 87 in bed at The Ritz Hotel. An event to what many munchkins celebrating across Munchkin Country have been referring to as ‘a stroke of good luck’.

Arguably there hasn’t been anyone at home since birth in the mind of this woman who rose to power against class and gender barriers to be the UK and the West’s first female Prime Minister. There also hasn’t been British politician so demonized and demurred to since the Pendle Hill Witch Trials of 1612. Witch sympathizers say she put the drive back into Britain and saved the country from rack and ruin. The munchkins say she was a non-stop talking blue and blonde Technicolor nightmare.

Her daughter Carol previously described that her mother had a mind like a website, but in recent years the brain disease Alzheimer’s has mugged the Iron Lady of her fearsome personality and her ability to function in public life. In keeping with the apt adage out of sight out of mind some people could be forgiven for thinking she had popped her ruby slippers yonks ago.

But for many munchkins at long last yesterday they found that their dreams had come true from somewhere over the rainbow when they awoke to the news that the wicked witch was dead. Top of the celebrations ringing out across the land is the song Ding Dong the Witch is Dead. Sales shot up on iTunes and it has become unofficially the new munchkin national anthem. Munchkin Boq said when my council house, which I bought in the eighties, fell out of the sky and landed on the witch triggering the stroke well it was just about the best thing in all of Oz. Other munchkins have suggested her state funeral should be privatized and that ATOS have claimed her fit to work.

Munchkin capital Glasgow was first to get a death party going with hundreds of munchkins gathering in George’s Square toasting her demise with bottles of milk. Meanwhile in the sleepy hamlet of London village one munchkin reorganized the letters on the Ritzy Cinema in Brixton to read ‘MARGARET THATCHERS DEAD LOL’.

Much like the lion, the scarecrow and the tin man in their search to become true to themselves – to become an individual – no one can argue that Thatcher’s self-guiding principle to make sure her own life mattered has been a resounding success. In a diametrically opposed style to finding your heart, brain and courage she ruled the Conservative Party with an iron fist from 1979 to 1990 with pain and suffering highlights for the miners, the unions, the crew members of the Belgrano and the rioters against the Poll Tax.

The tributes (and the race for column inches) have been pouring in:

BAFTA and Golden Globe and Oscar winning munchkin Meryl Streep said it was an honour to play her in the sentimental semi-biographical film The Iron Lady. She said to Fox 411: “Margaret Thatcher was a pioneer, willingly or unwillingly, for the role of women in politics. To have come up, legitimately, through the ranks of the British political system, class bound and gender phobic as it was, in the time that she did and the way that she did, was a formidable achievement….To have given women and girls around the world reason to supplant fantasies of being princesses with a different dream: the real-life option of leading their nation; this was groundbreaking and admirable. Also to return the honour she was brilliant as me in Mama Mia!”

Munchkin  President Barack Obama tweeted in along much the same lines:

Barack Obama Margaret Thatcher

AOL Product Manager Munchkin Sorab Shroff writes here persuasively about her political impact and legacy. While witch-in-waiting Boris Johnson aka wolf in sheep’s clothing said in his Telegraph blog she was much prettier in person than you might expect ‘in an English rose kind of way’ and quoted her as saying ‘Pwhof’ at an EEC summit but it was, he says, how she transformed the country’s self image that has left every politician since Churchill in her shade.

As the events of yesterday unfold many munchkins living in the newly formed United Kingdom of Tesco, X-Factor, Greggs the Bakers and Northern Ireland are asking at what cost has this come about and what does the future hold? Their key point being her father’s greengrocers on the high street in Grantham is now a massage parlour.

Film-maker munchkin Ken Loach said Margaret Thatcher was the most divisive and destructive Prime Minister of modern times. In his latest documentary The Spirit of ’45 he looks to the past when the NHS and welfare state began in the hope to inspire a new breed of politicians to be more socially-minded today. Another exalting film on release is Will and Testament about Labour’s longest serving munchkin MP Tony Benn. Munchkins are campaigning that every newly elected politician should see these films back to back before taking up their seat in the Houses of Parliament.

Munchkin Dr Seuss who treated the witch on her deathbed said it’s hard to know if she was conscious of who she was or that if she knew in actual fact she was dying. For most sufferers this last point is possibly the only saving grace of the disease but in this particular case it is probably it’s biggest tragedy.

He said her final words were:

I know that some people

Call me Tony Soprano

I was right on the money

About the Belgrano

After her body was taken from the hotel in a private ambulance Dr Seuss said a munchkin nurse nearby was heard to mutter quietly under her breath, ‘No you weren’t’.

Margaret Thatcher’s funeral is due to take place next week at St Paul’s Cathedral with full military honours. Our thoughts and condolences go out to the family. It’s not their fault.

Chumbawumba’s Margaret Thatcher EP In Memoriam was mailed out on 8th April to all who pre-ordered the CD. No further orders will be taken. Full tour to follow….

Oz the Great and Powerful the new Disney film starring James Franco was released in February 2013.



Save Alexandra Park Trees: A Love Letter by Teresa Green

RIP Red Sycamore Avenue

Dear Alexandra,

It’s been nearly three weeks since we started hacking trees off you left, right and centre. My heart breaks into a thousand pieces that we can’t fix the damage that has been done. Please forgive us. I owe you so much. Many a morning I’ve woken and been unable to get out of bed but the mere thought of running through the outstretched arms of Red Sycamore Avenue boughed heavy with green, yellow, orange and red leaves has motivated me to get up for years. You make me want to live! And all from trees that just stand there. But RIP Red Sycamore Avenue. You are no more. You have been felled nee murdered. And lie horizontal on your backs like lazy cheap whores instead of being my first true love of the day. On the second Saturday of protest I walked with Nev, a mountain of a man, in his grey towelyn hoodie and matching trackie b’s down Newly Decimated Avenue, we both had tears in our eyes and we almost held hands.

‘They’re heartless cunts,’ he said.

I couldn’t say anything. The sight of light brown discs of wood chainsawn open and scattered through the park like lost Connect 4 counters was too sad for words.

save alexandra Park, eco warriors, MCC, manchester city council,But for that moment as strangers we were brought together. Amongst the tree graveyard are some tattered tents. More strangers brought together. The strange brothers and sisters of Moss Side and Whalley Range and Trafford. They have been here since the felling began three weeks ago. I don’t know what they’d be doing normally if they weren’t trying to save the park trees. When you look at the destruction of 50 of the 400 trees already taken down to make way for tennis courts the situation seems hopeless. Yet the protestors have hope. This is the sign of first rate intelligence and compassion in human beings. Being able to find hope in a hopeless situation. Lots of them have become ill from their cold and wet vigil day after day and night after night in the park. Some days a bearded black leather jacketed protestor psychs out the police by filming them with his camcorder in their faces and on demo Saturdays when the community comes out in triple figures he rouses them with shouts of Whose trees? Our trees! Another protestor says let’s go to the homes of the council and start chopping trees down in their back gardens and see how they like that. A cop snickers at a woman who is shouting until she’s blue in the face that he should speak to his boss about quitting because it isn’t his job to kill birds it’s his job to save them.

Oh Alex I’m sorry your trees are being torn down and wildlife put at risk for tennis courts. Apart from the glaring fact that the park has tennis courts already albeit run down and in need of some TLC, and if we’re being honest, much like the rest of you. You are a big raggedy and do need a bit of a facelift. But tennis courts?! FFS. London creeps closer every day. We are not Manchester-upon-Thames. It is an urban park. It has an urban edge. Some days when I’m running through you and stare at the over-grown bushes I wonder if someone’s going to jump out and mug me. It makes me run faster. I am going to live longer. You are life-giving. So I’ve come to visit you again today on Valentine’s Day to show you some love. There are only two protestors left. A man and a woman. It feels like the end of the affair. A strange garden of Eden with not an apple tree in sight.

Grey Spotted WoodpeckerNo says the owl-like woman grabbing my arm earnestly we are not here to stop them we are here to make them question how they’ve done this. We are wholesome. We are right in what we are doing. As security dismantle the barricades she is worried they will now be arrested for camping in a public space. We move a tent backwards out of the swamp onto firmer drier land towards Claremont Road. She is right. In the end everything will be alright even if it isn’t alright. Mother Nature shall prevail and the trees shall all grow up and rise again. She is too powerful and does after all own all of the higher moral ground.

Thank you Alexandra for being my lungs of the city,

Love Teresa Green xx

It’s not over ’til it’s over. Keep supporting the campaign:

twitter: @saveAPTrees


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